Thursday, April 9, 2009

Bad Dreams....????

Ok...I know I haven't posted in FOREVER!!! So I will jot down a few lines now!
So last night I had a horrible dream...that was actually mind opening and kinda peaceful...if that makes sense! lol

In this dream I was planning my husbands funeral!!!! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!! I have no idea how he died or how much time had past but I was actually ok for the most part. (It was present day, I was exactly the age I am now and so were my kids) I remember being a his FAVORITE track in Turlock, "THE OATFIELD"...there were hundreds of people there!! (My husband is a VERY quiet guy and doesnt have many friends, as he really just keeps to himself and his family so this is why I'm sooooooooooo surprised and happy so many people turned out.) I was the one doing ALL of the talking, which I'm sure if this day EVER comes when I'm still alive I will NOT be doing ANY of the talking!!! (I told him that I have to go before him because I could never survive a day on this earth without him!!)

Anyhoo, I remember saying things like, Robert only had a few loves in his life, his children, myself (hopefully, lol), his family and friends, his truck and dirtbike and this track! (meaning the track we were having the funeral at) I went on to say, we have been coming to this track for about 12 years, before my son could even race (Jake raced his very first race at 4 1/2 years old at this track). My husband broke bones on this track and still loved it!

I pointed people out in the crowd- like this kid that we have seen grow up on the track and I said "He loved to ride the track but he also loved to watch people, like you Mark Braden, he was so amazed by the way you have grown up and have learned to race on big bikes now...he cannot believe you could kick his but on the track and you're only 13!!" (there were giggles)

I went on to say "and the girls at the sign in trailer, Amy and Glenda, he couldn't go a weekend without giving you a hard time...but he would ALWAYS stop by to say hello...because you made him smile, thank you.

"Jack and Corky,(which are father and son who own the track) He would give you a hard time about playing poker on Saturday nights between races instead of prepping the track for the next day...just cuz he thought it was funny...but he knew how hard you guys work and appreciated you so much and he knew you needed a break! (The dream seemed to keep going on and on....)

I pointed people out that just stood out in his life, people I think I didn't even know really my BFF's husband Erik, in my dream Erik had turned out to be a WONDERFUL friend to Robert...even though Rob is quiet and not "hard to get along with" but hard to judge cuz you think he's mad all the time when in reality...he's just being himself and taking it!! But anyway, I'm off subject...I remember telling Erik in my dream that I loved him so much for being such a great friend to Rob and for being there when we needed ANYTHING! Its crazy...right? Cuz in real life Erik and Rob and friends, yes...but in my dream, he was a "GREAT" friend of my husband...and I was very touched by that!
In my dream I had Robert cremated and Corky dug a hole below one of the greatest jumps in Oatfield history, the step up, and we placed my husbands ashes and his riding gloves in there...where he would forever his Favorite Track!

Ok...when I woke up I reached over and grabbed my husband...waking him up and I told him "you can NEVER die!" I was crying!!! He held me and giggled...but I'm not sure he has any idea how in depth this dream was...I don't even think I posted the half of it!! Just what I could really remember.

I have to say something to those of you that know us, you know that my husband doesn't "hang out" with us when we do our thing...he doesn't really wanna go places and do things we do...but it isn't because he doesn't like you, as some may think, or he's mad at you or me...Its just because this is who he is...a chill, mellow guy who LOVES to just hang out with his kids, chill in the garage, ride his dirtbike and love his family! He is my husband...and I completely ADORE him!! Please, just give him a will love him too!! =0)

This dream just made me don't really know what you've got until its gone! We need to take a step back from our lives and look from the outside in...realize what is important! Its not the material things that can be replaced! Its those you love and adore! Cherish them! They may not be around forever!


eternity driven said...

Wow, Trina! What a intense dream! Sad, but I also see what you mean...waking up and realizing it was just a dream and that you still have your husband can be quite a great perspective changer! I know you'll appreciate him all the more and that you'll be looking at your blessings in a brand new light.
I loved this post!

Denise said...

WAH. Why did that make me cry! I was once told if you dream someone dies it means they are suppose to live a really long time! :)

I luff your husband. I have seen him not be quiet. I have seen him be quiet. I get it. I hope others do too! :) He's a good guy! AND season is almost over...him and E should go snowboarding!

Kimmy said...

Boy, what a deep dream! I am soooo the same way! I would have to go before anyone. I don't have death very good. My family is #1 in my life and I don't think I could handle it if they passed away. Heart wrenching!!

I'm so glad it was only a dream!! :O)

Trina said...

Thanks girls! I was deep for sure! I actually thought about it all day long!! I came home and he had read my post...I asked him if I "did him right in the end" and he smiled and said.."Yep!" Thats my few words that mean so much!